I came out as a lesbian when I was 13. At first, my parents seemed okay with it, but as I began to get a little older, and my attraction to girls was growing stronger, and more obvious. They then began to say that my attraction to girls isn't real, and it's 'just a phase', that whole thing. Me, being the headstrong, stubborn girl I am, I refused to back down, and continued to be who I am, much to my parents dismay.
Mum and Dad then decided to show their homophobia in a different way - they told me, and continue to tell me that I have no idea what gender I am attracted too, because the term 'sexuality' implies that you have a sexual preference, which I wouldn't understand because I have never had sex, therefore, I am not allowed to feel attraction to girls in any way shape or form, because I don't know what my sexual preference is.
I have tried to explain over and over again, that while yes, I won't know my sexual preference until I have had sex, but for now, I feel strong ROMANTIC attraction to other girls.
For me, there is a huge difference between sexual and romantic attraction and preference, and, seeing as I have no interest in boys, males in general, and I feel strong attraction to girls/females in general, therefore I identify as lesbian.
Sexuality shouldn't be based on sexual preferences, it should be just based on what gender you feel more comfortable with in general, not just in the bedroom.
I would love for someone to give me some tips on how to help my parents understand that there is a difference, and help them accept me.
Thanks y'all, hope you have an awesome day!
😁😁
Just try your best to stay persistent. I know that having these kinds of debates with family can be emotionally and mentally tiring, so please take space if needed. It can help to try and challenge their thoughts by asking questions. Ask them something like, "Did you only marry dad for his penis?" or if they are religious say something like, "If pre-marital sex is a sin, then how did you know you loved dad/mom before having sex with him/her?" You have to challenge their thinking, until you get to a soft spot. Once you have them stuck, try explaining why you feel the way you do. Remind them that sexual attraction has nothing to do with sex. If you are attracted to someone, that does not always end up with sex. Again, it is important to stay calm and have resources ready when having any type of hard conversation. You can always come back to the conversation later, when all people involved are ready. If your family becomes heated, end the conversation. You cannot teach them how to read when they close their eyes. It is important to see the bigger picture and make them feel validated. Making them feel validated does not mean telling them they are right. You can make someone feel validated by saying things like, "I understand why you would think that, but there are many things that contradict that." It is also helpful to remind them that it is okay to learn and change your opinions. In summary, in these situation it is best to be prepared with resources, be ready to be the bigger person if needed, have the ability to look at the whole picture, and are emotionally available to feel and show compassion to all sides. Love you! Hope all goes well!
I am proud of you for staying stubborn and strong.
TW: transphobia
Honestly, my parents were chill with me being gay. But when I told them that my friend Michael was assigned female at birth, it all went downhill. I never knew my parents as particularly transphobic, but idk, something about owning a vagina but being a boy confused my mum. I try and try to tell her but she just won't listen and honestly i cant come out to her as demigirl. But i'm staying strong, and I cant wait to move out. You aren't alone and you are fabulous and i really hope that both our parents can change their views one day :(