tw: depression, anxiety, self harm. I am depressed but i cant tell anyone because im the "happy" girl in school, at home, and just everywhere. i have scared my skin more than 100x in a row (yes i counted them all) and i still don't feel anything and if i do its sh!t like sadness and hatred twords myself. i've thought about ending myself so much its become normal. everything i do for anyone is not enough. make my parents food- could've been cooked different. had something to say in a convo to anyone- rude, interrupting, dumb. i just wanna screem but i cant bc i would get yelled at. thx for listening.
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just expressing how i feel, a little rant you don't have to listen to
just expressing how i feel, a little rant you don't have to listen to
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Thankfully for me, I can't really relate but I will always listen. I am so so sorry that you are going through this and wish I could help more. Good luck. I love you. Hang in there. You are strong and you are amazing.
The comment above me basically summed up everything I would say but I would also like to add some things. Remember that everyone else is or can be temporary, you are the only thing that is and always will be permanent in your life. Because it's your life and you deserve to live it! Putting your own physical or mental needs above other's is not selfish, it's healthy! And even putting your own wants over someone else's from time to time isn't selfish either. Live for you, be happy for you! Everyone has a purpose, and I know that's probably something you've heard before, trust me I've heard it thousands of times and never understood it for a long time. I've found that living for other people or other things is dangerous, especially if it's a person. Living for other people can become dangerous or even deadly in the right circumstance. You have to find comfort in who you are and never let people change you, because you're special, and do you know why? Because you're you, and you're the only person who can be you. And no, you're not perfect because no one is, you'll make mistakes but you have to forgive yourself. No matter what it is, find a way to forgive yourself. This life was made for you, these obstacles were made to make you stronger, and the people around you and those to come were either made to support and help you or harm and block you from the amazing person I know you are and can be, but it's up to you to figure out who's who. And yeah, I know, I'm a stranger what can I know about your life? What can I know about your day to day struggles? And you're right, I can't. Only you understand what you've gone through and are currently going through, and especially who you truly are. For those who say the food could've been better, well then instead of them complaining they can cook for themselves or just be grateful to have you in their life to care enough for them to feed and love them. And for the people who say you're annoying, interrupting, rude, dumb, and so on, for inputting your opinion or just bothering to talk to them, guess what? You don't need that or even them if that's the way they'll treat you, you deserve so much better. And if it's relatives, I know you don't get to pick and choose your blood relatives, but family and blood relatives are different things. Family are the people who love and support you unconditionally, blood related or not. And wanna know something else? At 18(or the legal age wherever you live), you're a legal adult and never have to speak to those blood relatives again if you choose not to. But I am only a stranger, and there's only so much I can say to help. But if you remember anything from any of this, remember to live for you, you are permanent, you are love, you are valid. This'll all be worth it in the end, trust me. <3
I honestly relate to this. I had suicidal thoughts since I was like five and I had felt like I had to hide it so other people could be happy no matter how much I suffered. I hide most of it from them because I thought I didn't deserve help or other people deserved it more than me, It was torture making sure that whenever I hurt myself that it wasn't noticeable or that I had a excuse that they wouldn't question so they won't have to worry about. I would keep quiet when they did something that triggered my suicidal thoughts and say to myself that these things I felt were somehow my fault. I even made trigger for suicidal thought so I would put up the illusion that I was okay like putting whether I deserved to live on a stupid test for class. I know it hurts or it feel like it would all be better and easier if you were just gone but, believe me that not true. You may have a horrible disease that may not allow you to see the values in yourself but, I assure you that your love ones do. I haven't even met you yet I see the value in you life so please for me your love ones please seek help and get better because I promise that you that do deserve to live and not force in the entire universe can change that. Please use this think to talk to someone on the suicide prevention hotline for help. I promise that they would be better at helping you than I could and please remember that even if you don't feel it right now that people care about you and you do matter.
https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/talk-to-someone-now/