Trigger Warning: mention of rape rape, sexual harassment I was on a call with a couple friends plus another guy who I didn't personally like, but my friends did. Mother's day is coming up (or was when this happened, at least), and I was asking my friends what I should get/make for my mom. I am a child at heart so I said I wanted to do something with the glitter I recently bought ('cause it was the pan flag glitter and yes).
Then this guy, who I barely know but am not on good terms with before this call, told me I could "get naked, put the glitter on, and dance" which..................................no And my friends on this call just sorta laughed and moved on, and yeah, sure, I get it, it's a joke, but I'M not laughing. It made me EXTREMELY uncomfortable but I just sort of brushed it off because "it wasn't that big a deal" and "who cares anyway" and "why can't I just take a joke" and "it's not like he hurt me or even threatened to." But I've never been sexually assaulted or harassed or anything before. I mean I am just a kid. Not even thirteen yet. This was the first time anything like this has happened to me, and I just sorta laughed nervously. And I know it was incredibly minor compared to what some people have been through; rape and abuse and stuff, but this made me incredibly uncomfortable and I don't really know what to do now. I can't tell anyone about it because then I'd be "the kid who couldn't take a joke" which.... hard pass, my social life is difficult enough as it is. But how can I look him in the eye after that? He probably doesn't even know the damage he did to me... it doesn't even really matter. I don't really have a question, not really, just sort of.... what was that? Was that harassment or assault or just a bad joke? And... what do I do now?
Hi,
I'm really out of my depth here, I truly don't know if what happend to you classifies as harassement or not. What I do can guarantee you is that your feelings regarding the incident are totally valid. This comment has it's roots (probably*) in the misogyny of our society (independently of the fact if the person who made the comment meant it to be sexist or if it was just a bad joke) which is a topic to feel sensitiv about. That you feel uncomfortable about this is in the big picture probably a good sign because it's important that people realise how messed up stuff like this is and this starts with each one of us. Still I'm really sorry that you were made to feel uncomfortable and that you have to go through your conflicted emotions.
I don't really know what you could do now that would make you feel better. Maybe reasearching on the topic of casual sexism would help you understand better what happend and your feelings towards it?
This probably wasn't helpful at all but I just wanted to let you know that you're not alone with your feelings and that there is nothing wrong with them.
A virtual hug and all the best wishes. 😊
* I'm assuming here that this person percieved you as female.