So uhm, I don't know how to say this but i have been victim of r@pe and i am now in the process of reporting him to the police but there is no evidence and he denies everything so they just can't do anything. I am extremely scared that I am just overreacting and that I shouldve told him 'no' more often than i already did, so i feel like it's still my fault which i know it's not, but the feeling is still there. I'm going to therapy and stuff, to help me, but is there anyone who has experience with this and could give some tips? - Sara
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Hey, I'm really sorry this happened to you. Just know you don't need to force yourself to heal. You have to right to take your time and grieve, it gets better. You are loved and valid!
@Izzy Thank you, this helps a lot. Somehow the mental health system in The Netherlands found a free spot for me so i will start therapy very very soon. And if needed, they will also try EMDR. But for me it's great to hear that therapy will probably help.
Also, little update, apparently he did this to another girl as well and she's going to the police. He was my colleague, and this all happened at work and now my boss fired him and he's not allowed in the store for another year. He's currently not denying anymore but he said I was okay with
And now i'll probably just stick to the girls for a while cause men can indeed be very horrible. And i know, i have a great future ahead, and i'm gonna work on it so it's gonna be amazing but for now, it's hard.
Thank you for writing this down, and I send you all my love and support.
(Also, i tried adding you on discord? I don't use it frequently so idk how it works haha, but my tag is unknownfollower_#6398 )
I am so so sorry this is happening to you. I went through a similar thing while I was at school. I reported it and nothing was done and I continued to go to school with him for 2 and a half years.
I really struggled with it at first and it caused my mental health to take a nosedive. Now, which is four years on, I find it easier to talk about it but I still have times where I blame myself and I think that it was my fault, or that I'm a bad person for 'ruining his life' even though I didn't, there were no consequences for him and that's just my brain being a dick.
Those thoughts are likely to stay with you for a while but therapy can be really good to change the way you perceive your thoughts and it can encourage you and give you skills to not take every thought you have as fact.
I tried a type of trauma therapy once (I can't remember what it's called, sorry) and I couldn't cope with it, but a friend of mine who was assaulted as a kid found it really helpful. I'm still in therapy for a range of reasons and we (my therapist and I) worked on it consistently for a while, but now it only comes up occasionally and she's really good at being that rational voice when I'm blaming myself.
Please remember that this is not your fault. You are not to blame. I'm sorry the world sucks and men can be horrible but it will get better, I promise you.
Sending all my love, stay safe, stay strong. If you need anything, feel free to dm me here (idk if that's a thing you can do) or on discord (Iz#5947) - Izzy
Thank you so much. I literally cried while reading this. Thank you, you gave me more hope and strength. It also really helps to know that therapy is most likely going to help too, since I never had to go there before and I don't completely know what to expect. But i feel more hopeful and stronger now.
So again, thank you, this was super helpful. Also, you mentioned you still struggle too sometimes so i'm sending love and strength your way. ❤
this is very very similar to what i went through. it is so so hard and i am so so sorry. please PLEASE know that it is NOT your fault. i know there is this nagging in your mind that it is, that idea that you could have done more. please do not listen to that. it you were in a position where you were scared. in those moments your body and mind shuts down as a way to protect yourself. you did NOTHING wrong. nothing.
you have to validate yourself. remind yourself that your pain makes sense. that it wasn't your fault. that you did NOTHING to deserve that. it is okay to hurt. it will hurt for a long time, and that is okay. the pain gets easier. therapy helps a lot.
i'm sorry if that wasn't super helpful, i still struggle sometimes too. it does get easier, the weight of it lifts. therapy is such a helpful tool. i am SO proud of you for coming forward and saying something and asking for help. that is so so brave.
please know you aren't alone. i love you and i believe you.