I’m 19 years old cis female. I like to refer to myself as bisexual but male leaning. Recently I’ve been highkey questioning my sexuality and I’m really REALLY concerned about if I even count as a asexual. I don’t want to slander the community in anyway so if I don’t seem to be based on what I say please tell me.
I think I’ve developed crushes in the past, but to be honest I’m unsure. I only develop a ‘crush’ on people I know very personally. I learned that gender doesn’t really matter. (However due to my highly conservative family and living situation I need to date guys) I just want companionship and I get hooked on people I believe can provide that. I want to snuggle with them and do stuff with them. Spend time with them. I’m not sure if there is any difference between what I want and a friendship. I’ve been taught that ‘Love‘ is different then friendship but I feel like I love all my friends in some way. Some I just want to spend more time with then others.
So here’s my issue. I’ve never felt sexually attracted to any of my friends no matter how attached I get to them. I can only develop a crush on these people due to my connection to them, so being attracted to people outside them is impossible. I’ve never once passed by someone and said “oh I want that one.” Stereotypical attraction doesn’t do it for me. I can think some people look better then others but that doesn’t change how much I want to sleep with them.
My Weird Connection With Sex
I‘m not sure being with the right person will change how I see the experience as nothing but a experience. It’s weird. But I still wanna try it? I want to know what it feels like. Or if anything will change afterwards. Like I may not be sexually attracted to someone but I still have quite the libido. Does that not make me a asexual? I’m so confused.
I guess I just want to talk to some people. See what you guys in the community say about it. I’m so so confused and while I believe I may be asexual I don’t want to call myself that because what if I’m actually not and I put a accidental stain on the community? I may even be Demi, because of how hard it is for me to develop a crush maybe that’s how it is for sexual relationships. Please someone, anyone, help. <3