Hi guys, I um need some help.
Background
I’m 19 years old cis female. I like to refer to myself as bisexual but male leaning. Recently I’ve been highkey questioning my sexuality and I’m really REALLY concerned about if I even count as a asexual. I don’t want to slander the community in anyway so if I don’t seem to be based on what I say please tell me.
Romantic
I think I’ve developed crushes in the past, but to be honest I’m unsure. I only develop a ‘crush’ on people I know very personally. I learned that gender doesn’t really matter. (However due to my highly conservative family and living situation I need to date guys) I just want companionship and I get hooked on people I believe can provide that. I want to snuggle with them and do stuff with them. Spend time with them. I’m not sure if there is any difference between what I want and a friendship. I’ve been taught that ‘Love‘ is different then friendship but I feel like I love all my friends in some way. Some I just want to spend more time with then others.
Sexual
So here’s my issue. I’ve never felt sexually attracted to any of my friends no matter how attached I get to them. I can only develop a crush on these people due to my connection to them, so being attracted to people outside them is impossible. I’ve never once passed by someone and said “oh I want that one.” Stereotypical attraction doesn’t do it for me. I can think some people look better then others but that doesn’t change how much I want to sleep with them.
My Weird Connection With Sex
I‘m not sure being with the right person will change how I see the experience as nothing but a experience. It’s weird. But I still wanna try it? I want to know what it feels like. Or if anything will change afterwards. Like I may not be sexually attracted to someone but I still have quite the libido. Does that not make me a asexual? I’m so confused.
Final Words
I guess I just want to talk to some people. See what you guys in the community say about it. I’m so so confused and while I believe I may be asexual I don’t want to call myself that because what if I’m actually not and I put a accidental stain on the community? I may even be Demi, because of how hard it is for me to develop a crush maybe that’s how it is for sexual relationships. Please someone, anyone, help. <3
Hi! I’m ace, but also 15, so do know I’m lacking some of the life experience you have!
I fully believe that if Asexual feels right, use it to describe yourself, even if what you feel may not be everyone’s definition of Asexually, it’s yours and people need to respect that. If you end up not being Asexual, that’s OK as well. Like how non-ace people try out different labels, names and pronouns until they find ones that work, asexual people (or at least I) do too! Sexuality can be fluid and that’s ok. I’ve identified as Demi, Demi-flux, Graysexual, Gray-flux, Ace and more in just under a year.
I promise that if you feel Ace is righ, or even if you feel a connection to it and decide that’s how you identify, even if you just want to try it out, you are not slandering or staining the community. While I can’t speak for all of us, I’d be happy even if you tried identifying as Ace, decided it didn’t fit and crossed it off the list. Also just a note, Ace works as an umbrella term as well, so if you end up being somewhere on the asexually spectrum, using ace as a quick explanation is perfectly ok as well!
I hope that helped, and good luck to you as you navigate your sexuality (or asexuality) journey. :)
To begin with, I would like to point out that I am not asexual so please take my words with a big grain of salt.
What I think would help you is watching videos, TikToks, reading articles written by other asexuals and seeing if you can relate to them. That's how I explored my sexuality. I have seen other people like me talking about their experiences and I could relate to that. I have seen many great asexual creators like Asexual Dad Advice (on YT and TikTok). They come up on my for you page all the time and I'm not complaing. I reccomend you go check them out! Sending all the love!