i came out to my mum a while ago as nonbinary. i told her - very explicitly, might i add - my preferred name and that i would like to be referred with he/they pronouns (i know my display name says xey/xem - i was just too anxious to explain neopronouns to her. he/they is fine though, i just prefer xey/xem). so i have a few phone calls with her because i live at my dads and i notice that shes constantly deadnaming and misgendering me.
at first i thought that she was just making sure i wasnt accidently outed to my dad so i didnt say anything. however ive been staying with her for the past couple weeks and she hasnt used my real name and pronouns once, constantly deadnames me, calls me "girl" and "daughter" and stuff like that and its really taking a toll on me. i thought that she would be really supportive since she seemed really accepting and early last year said that its okay if im trans.
its not like shes forgotten either - she wanted to put something that said "this girl loves adventure" in my room but said "oh wait thats a bit gender specific i guess" and i was like ???? WHAT???
also note that she did the same thing when i came out as a trans man when i was 11, and she's part of the reason why i repressed being trans for 4 years and convinced myself i was just a lesbian because thats more "normal" to society i guess. also the other day she asked my sister what the agab of one of my sister's agender friends was which is um. bad.
i dont know what to do. my family is,,, toxic, to say the least and i dont want to start any more drama. my mum has always denied that im mentally ill and neurodivergent which is why ive never been to therapy despite barely being able to fucntion on a day-to-day basis and it feels like shes doing the same thing with me being trans. it really hurts and i want to just break down and cry. im moving in with her next year and i want to use my correct name and pronouns at sixth form but im scared that my mum is gonna out me. i thought she would be supportive but she isnt and i hate it so much i feel like im just never going to be accepted. i hate it i wish i just stayed repressing everything.
sorry that got a bit vent-y but im finding it hard to keep myself together. can anyone just give me advice or some general positivity because i really need it right now
@TEKNOPATHETIC (xey/xem) I just have one question. You see i'm just wondering how do I pronounce your pronouns? I just never seen your type of neopronouns before and I just want to know that I am pronouncing them correctly.
I'm so sorry about all of this. If you feel comfortable, you could try sitting your mom down for a talk about using your correct pronouns and name. I'm going to suggest that you talk to her about neo pronouns in this conversation, as well. Even if she doesn't understand them, maybe she'll try to. If that doesn't work, just remember that you can always come back to this page if you need a loving and supportive and safe space. This page has helped me out a lot, and I hope it will help you.
I'm really sorry to hear that but you're valid and even though I can't offer first hand advice I've heard a few of these may help:
talk to her about how uncomfortable it makes you feel
if you can maybe distance yourself from them
every time she deadnames or misgenders you correct her
or even reverse the roles
idk but I hope this helped even a little. And just remember that you're valid and the community will support you always.💕
No problem at all! And I think telling your sister would be a good idea, since she does have an agender friend she probably has an understanding of it and would most likely be supportive. And tell me how that works with your mom
(if you're ok with that)! <3
This broke my heart reading this. First of all I'd like to say that YOU ARE VALID! You, your name, your feelings, and your gender identity are all valid! Despite your mum's ignorant choice of words and decisions, suppressing your gender identity would have made it so much worse. You pushing it away and pretending to be someone your not for an even longer period of time would have put so much strain on your already affected mental health. I suggest bringing it back up to her and telling her that when she uses your deadname and the wrong pronouns it really hurts you and you would like for her to stop and use the right name and pronouns. But if she says no or just continues then I suggest misgendering her and using the wrong name and pronouns for her then when she brings it up tell her that it's what she does to you constantly and you've asked her politely to stop but she didn't. And know that even though it may hurt, she may never really accept you for who you are. It's not that she doesn't love you or doesn't care for you, she just can't understand it. But regardless of who supports you or who chooses not to, be proud in who you are and love yourself! Because you are so strong, and will get through this, and even if at times you feel you can't, you can always come here and ask for help and you will get it! And know that's it's okay to break down and cry from time to time, but you have to remember to pick yourself back up afterwards. But I do have a question, are you out to your dad or sister or any friends? <3