So I’m a teenager and have recently started labelling myself as bisexual (I’m not out at all) but then, sorry if this sounds weird or anything, I feel a sexual attraction only towards boys while girls I only have romantic. Both genders and sexes I would 100% date and it isn’t something that would put me off. I’m very much confused about it and don’t really want to put labels on myself if they’re wrong or I’m unsure about it.
The next thing I’m struggling with is the fact that my Dad is homophobic and tried raising me like that. To him, it’s a normal thing to be homophobic because of where he was raised and who he was raised around (it was a very rough area with plenty of prejudiced people). I’ve always been taught to not be rude to LGBTQ+ people in their faces or online but behind their backs its okay to make fun of them. I was also told not to be friends with people of the community. I obviously don’t feel this way, mostly because I know how stupid my Dad can be and my Mum taught me to love and respect all that I meet but every time I see or talk to a girl and think ‘omg I like her. Like-like her’ I freak out and tell myself that it’s wrong, even when I know it’s not and that I can like whoever I want to. Any ideas how I can deal with this? Xx
As far as the homophobia goes, I would analyze the situation at hand. Is it safe to try to talk to him about it? Drop subtle hints? Maybe you can incorporate your mom or something else that might convince him. Whether or not and how you should confront him depends on your relationship and the potential consequences. It's not your job to make him a better person. However, if you want to take action to make you more comfortable, then you should if you can. However, I don't know your situation. I've dealt with homophobia and other prejudice with my conservative family members and I normally just keep quiet unless I can nudge them in the right direction without starting an argument. That's mostly because of what I'm comfortable doing in my situation and I'm trying to make the best of it.
This is a tough spot. You're a very strong person to ask for help. It's not always easy, especially around a family issue like this. Remember that you're awesome and valid no matter what anyone says!
As far as the split between sexually attracted to guys and romantically to girls, I can totally relate! I felt that way for a long time, and it turned out I'm aceflux bisexual. That may not be the case for you. If you want a label, just try stuff on and see what fits. You don't have to label yourself now. Some labels will feel right for a while and then turn out wrong. But finding something that fit me helped me gain clarity and confidence. But at the same time, you do you. A label should be a tool and should be subject to change if it no longer fits. And if you find you don't want one, that's cool too!
Thank you so much for both of your responses! I found it really helpful 💗
That sounds so tricky, I'm so sorry you're dealing with that. Feeling sexual attraction to men and only romantic towards women is something I went through too. It is quite scary and really difficult to overcome as I think it comes from a place of internalised homophobia because you have been told that it's wrong, and it's this big unknown and scary thing that I think is quite common among the bisexual community.
Remember there is no urgency to label yourself, and it is totally okay to change your label if you decide later it does not fit how you feel. In terms of homophobia at home, I am really sorry that is something you experience. It is not something I have experienced luckily so I don't know how it must feel, from an outside perspective it is super easy for me to say maybe start dropping subtle hints that you don't see anything wrong with the LGBT community like watching TV shows/movies with gay story lines and showing your support for them and saying you think it's unnecessary to judge and not anyone else's business. But again, I don't know the situation or environment and relationship you have with your father.
It is such a hard position to be in, just remember that your feelings and emotions are totally valid and okay. There are so many people who will love and accept you, regardless of what some people may think and say. It's okay to be confused, even though it's so frustrating and scary. If you have anyone in your life that you trust enough to talk to about it that may help remove some of the shame and confusion you have, talking and sharing helps bring you out of the denial and shame cycle and can help you accept it, if that makes sense.
Sorry if this isn't super helpful, I hope you are doing okay and it all starts making a bit more sense. I love you 💜
Wow that must be really hard. It sounds like you're dealing with a lot of internalised homophobia. I personally don't have much experience with that, but I think it's good not to label your sexuality if you're not sure or you don't fit a particular box. I think it can be really damaging to trap yourself in a box that you don't really fit in. I wish I had better advice for you to deal with your dad and your internalised homophobia but I can only really say that it will take a really long time and hopefully you can come to terms with it eventually and remember to stay safe. Good luck, stay strong, you're amazing 💗