I'm pansexual. I've identified/been aware of that since October 2020, and came out to my parents in January of 2021. They were okay with it, albeit slightly confused. My family is extremely Christian so they don't exactly have the best relationship with the LGBTQIA+ community, but my parents are okay with it. But they still make some... insensitive remarks. For instance, asking why "gay people make everything about their sexuality" or "how come you can make a straight person joke but I can't make a gay person joke" which is painful, I admit. But I understand they could be so much worse, so I deal with it.
But.... I think I'm asexual, and I don't really know what to do with that. I mean, I'm very young (under 14). And I've never been in that serious of a relationship. So my lack of sexual attraction might be that I've simply yet to find the right partner. But I really don't think it is. I just think I'm asexual. Which... I don't know what to do with. I'm okay with me being pansexual. I'm okay with other people being asexual. But I've always just... assumed that one day I'd have children. Assumed one day that I'd hook up with someone at a bar or have sex with a friend of mine or SOMETHING, ANYTHING. But... maybe I won't. And that scares me. I always thought I would have kids. But.... maybe I won't. And that scares me, a lot. But it feels kind of right, simultaneously.
I just don't know anymore. I just don't know if I can take going through everything all over again. It was so scary the first time, realising I was pansexual. And even that wasn't too foreign to me; I'd read books with pan characters before (Magnus Chase), but never asexuality. Because, to be completely honest, they've been shielded from me. My parents might accept me for being pan, but that doesn't mean they're completely "okay" with it. They were raised in a homophobic society, and things like that still rub off on them.
And I just don't know anymore. I don't know if I can deal with going through all that again. I just don't know.
I'm so sorry, this must be really stressful for you. I'm probably around your age (I'm 13) and I'm in the closet so maybe I kinda know how you feel. It probably doesn't help much, but it's OK to not know who you are or to not understand yourself. Just know that it will get better and that there are people (me!) in the world who accept you for who you are. ❤️💛💚💙💜 (For some reason I didn't see an orange heart, sorry about that)