I'm not really out to anyone with my gender besides my younger cousin who doesn't understand it at all. I've talked a bit about this in previous posts, but I haven't talked to my mum in a few months and have just recently started talking to her again and I've pretty much always talked to her about almost everything. But with me being separated from her and not being able to talk to her for months, I wasn't able to tell her some things, some pretty important things. I was talking to her on my email last night and on my email it has my preferred name, Kai, and when I mentioned how I changed it on there she said that she'd noticed and she asked me if it was from a couple things and I said no to all of them, 'cause it's not. She said she was lost (confused) and I told her I'd send her a video explaining it and she told me it was late and that I needed to do it tomorrow and go to bed. I asked her to wait and told her that it was important but she never responded. I'm planning on coming out to her by telling her I'm non binary then sending her a video explaining what non binary is. I also need to come out as queer to her at some point as well, which will probably be easier for me to do so I figured I'd get the hard part over with first. So uh, wish me luck I guess? Also any advise? I'm completely clueless when it comes to help me with my own problems 😅. But uh thank for listening to this... rant? I dunno what this was. But on a side note, you are and always will be valid! <3
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Just an update, she did answer me last night. she said
"No thats not at all what i was expecting but i do love you just the same and i always will. Have you talked to your therapist about this? Plz dont make drastic decisons without talking to me 1st. Yes its your body your decision but i did grow you and would like some input or just info. And as far as your name can i still call you Mel? Thats not male or female right? I mean Mel Gibson is definitely not a girl."
And then after awhile of discussing she said this,
"Im glad you dont plan on changing your body but i love you and youre always my baby no matter what i have your back and im glad you told me. I love you "
So in other words it went really well, and I just want to thank you all for encouraging me to do this and giving me the confidence I needed. <3
Before I sent it I told her I had something to say and she said she thinks she knows what it is. She probably thinks I'm coming out as gay or something like that because I never tried to hide that from her. So I also went ahead and came out as queer as well, here's what I sent,
"And I'm guessing you thought I was going to tell you that I'm gay, bi, or somewhere around that area. I know you know mom, I never tried to hide it from you. And I know you still love and care for me no matter who I love. But to clarify yes I like girls, but I'm not a lesbian nor am I bisexual. I identify as queer, which basically means I like who I like and don't put a label on it."
I'd love to know your opinion on what I sent to her for both things!! Also, just a reminder that you are, and always will be valid!! <3
I did it... I emailed her and told her... Here's what I sent,
"Let me tell you a story.
A mother gave birth to a child that was assigned the female gender at birth 13 years, 5 months, and 6 days ago. What no one knew was that the gender the child had been assigned was wrong, nevertheless the child continued to live life pretending to be what society defined as a "girl". The child continued this for years and years, but it just never felt right to them. They would often wonder what life as a boy was like, the child knew they weren't a boy, that didn't quite feel right either. So the child ignored the thoughts and continued pretending they were a "girl". The child did like to wear makeup some days, but they also liked playing football on other days, and some days the child even felt like doing both. Now what someone likes to do or wear doesn't define their gender, something else does. Some argue it's gender dysphoria, some say it's what makes you the most comfortable, but what all of them have in common and what actually defines someone's gender is their brain. It's a mix of some or all or even none of what people say define their gender, and figuring it out is a beautiful yet confusing process. For this child particularly, there was definitely a confusing process. When the child finally accepted they weren't a girl and started their journey to figure out what exactly their true gender was, the child was no longer a child, but a teen. The teen did loads and loads of research and identified as tons and tons of things before realizing what their real gender was. The teen's gender felt differently sometimes from hour to hour and at other times from month to month. This made it difficult to figure out what exactly to identify as, until the teen discovered a different and unique gender called "gender fluid". Gender fluid is a nonbinary gender identity/gender expression that’s not fixed and is capable of changing over time. The teen will mostly answer with "Non Binary" when asked what their gender is, but she knows she is and can be both gender fluid and non binary and is completely comfortable with it. The teen deals with gender dysphoria sometimes almost everyday for weeks then won't for weeks and sometimes it's somewhere in between. But th teen found her name too feminine, although she loved it and thought it was beautiful. The teen spent some time thinking of unisex names until they were able to come up with one, Kai. Kai uses she/they pronouns but prefers they/them pronouns to be used when addressing them.Â
As I'm sure you know, this story was about me. I'm Kai, the child you gave birth to 13 years, 5 months, and 6 days ago. And I hope you still love me unconditionally and will support me in who I am as a person. "
She hasn't responded yet but I'm hoping for the best! <3
Good luck! I hope it goes well, and if it doesn't, you always have a safe space to talk to us (me, anyway) here. <3
I wish you the best of luck, Kai!
I'm sorry I don't have any advise, but just want to say that I support you and it's very brave of you to come out to her! <3
I honestly feel my mum wont take this well and I'm currently preparing for the worst. So uh if anyone could help me see it differently I'd really appreciate it! <3
Here is a video that explains what it means to be non binary but if you think your mum won't accept non binary gender identities and hates the idea of genderfucking then don't show her this video because in this video the person is currently genderfucking and if she is not okay with that she may not watch all of it and learn about what it means to be nonbinary. youtube.com/watch?v=aj2n00T6KTc
Oh uh also, I haven't found a good video to send explaining it. So if anyone finds some I'd appreciate it if you could send me the link. <3