An "it", apparently I'm an "it". For those of you that don't know me or haven't read my previous posts, hi my name's Kai, I identify as non binary, and my preferred pronouns are they/them but she/her is fine as well. Kai is not my birth name and non binary obviously wasn't my gender assigned at birth, female is what's stated on my birth certificate and even though it's what I'm still called, I'd prefer not to share my birthname. A couple days ago I was in the car with my grandpa, who I currently live with. He had said something about wishing he had gotten a Trump flag, and as the raging queer leftist I am, I said no jokingly, mostly at least. He of course being the ignorant rightist he is, asked why, which is when I then brought up the how Trump tried to have the LGBT+ community's rights taken away and the LGBT+ panic defense as well. For those of you who don't know what that is or have never heard of it, it is a defense used in court when the defendant has killed a member of the LGBT+ community and uses their sexual orientation or gender identity against them, by saying the defendant panicked and killed them. My grandpa basically responded by saying it was their fault for being LGBT+ in the first place but he made fun of the abbreviation by throwing in random letters like "LPRTZSEB", that's when the conversation started to make a turn for the worse. He then started talking about the Trans community and how it was a choice and it was all just made up, and that there were only two genders and the rest were mental disorders and made up. As a member of the trans community and someone who identifies with one of those "made up mental disorders", this obviously hurt and offended me. I argued that gender dysphoria was a diagnosed metal disorder, he retaliated by saying that was made up as well. He then brought up the historical statues that were being tore down because of the "leftists agenda". I told him it wasn't all leftists, not all trans people were leftists, and there was no "leftists agenda" which he basically said were all lies. Then he parked and brought up Caitlyn Jenner, but of course he didn't say Caitlyn, "Bruce Jenner" is what he said. That's when I got real upset and defensive, every time he'd say "he" I'd respond with "she", when he said "him" I said "her", so on and so on. He then got tired of it and said "what he is is an "it" " then got out of the car and went inside the building. Once he stepped inside the building I found myself fall apart, I was just sobbing, tears falling faster than I could stop them, sobs escaping my lips. I quickly calmed myself down, and pulled the mirror down to wipe the tears and evidence that I had been crying, but apparently not quickly enough. He was walking out of the building and obviously saw me wiping my face, he got in the car and told me not to cry and said that he'd love me even if I was a "green martin". I said "yea, but you don't respect me" he argued that he did and that was when I let out a small angry/sarcastic laugh, and said "you basically called me an it" and him being the ignorant idiot he is, said that he didn't because I'm not trans. I then explained to him that, "the definition of trans is not identifying with the gender you were assigned at birth", but he replied with "that's stupid" and then patted me on the head saying "you're a girl and will always be a girl". After that he pulled into a gas station and went inside. I was again sent into uncontrollable sobbing but was able to erase all the evidence I could of tears before he re-entered the car. Once we arrived at home I had to sign into my google meet for school but before I could, he entered my room and hugged me saying that he still loved me and that he just didn't want my life to be any harder than it had to be. I honestly don't care if says he loves me or not because he will never truly respect me, my gender identity, or my sexual orientation. He called me and others in my community an "it", compared being trans to being an alien, and completely invalidated my gender. I don't think I'll ever forget or forgive him for what he said, of course I'll always love him but I don't think I'll really be able to ever respect or forgive him. Sorry for the rant! <3
And have a very Merry Christmas, Hanukah, or whatever you celebrate! <3
My advice in this situation is to tell your grandpa that like it or not that you are trans, and it wasn't a choice, that you were born trans and nothing will be able to change that. And yes your life is probably going to be harder than a cis person because of some hateful ideals people have toward people like me but I didn't choose to oppressed. So I can either live a lie and hide who I truly am so others can be happy or I can embrace myself and be proud of who I am so I can be happy and fight for change so other people like me don't have to be afraid that they will get hurt for embracing who they are.
I started to write this in second person narrative but, it was easier to write it in first person narrative so I would like to apologies for that, I hope it still makes sense and I hope this is helpful.
Thank you, but I'm fine now! <3 💛💜🖤
I’m so sorry you had to go through that. 💛💜🖤