// eating disorder mention
I've been feeling very unmotivated recently and I feel like no matter what I do, it's useless anyway. And I'm getting older and older with every second that passes which is so scary because I'm not ready. But I can't just pause the world and get a moment to breathe, everything is always happening and things change, without my consent needed. I know I have good friends and my life isn't even that bad at the moment but I feel burned out and at the same time the possibility of having nothing to do scares me even more because then I'm alone with my thoughts and I could honestly just sleep forever. It's not like I long for death, maybe it's just a little bit of control that I need which then leads me back to last year and my eating disorder although I really thought I was over it but the thoughts are back. I haven't given in yet and I hope I won't but I know that the voice is loud and screams at me to just skip a meal. and I feel unproductive because I'm spending my time with fandoms and streams rather than learning stuff for school or investing time in my other interests. I've lost the ability to pay attention for a long time so reading is something I want to do but can't at the same time. I know that, technically, I just need a goal to look forward to and work for but I can't get myself to do anything.
if you read this far, a few reassuring words would be very much appreciated!! :]
Hey there! Sorry I'm late to this post, but I figured I'd try to give some kind words. (I'm going to try and be reassuring! Hopefully I won't sound condecending or generic!)
Please try not to invalidate yourself. I spent years comparing my problems to others and saying that my life isn't that bad but hunny if you're struggling, let yourself struggle. It's okay and as generic as this is, it does get better. And sometimes we hit a little bump in the road and that's okay! As for a goal maybe make the goal to just do some things throughout the day! As you said you feel guilty for not investing yourself in your other interests, maybe try and do one of those interests for a little time each day. And I think it's also okay to develop other interests. Mine change week to week. Just last week I was very much into painting, the week before was reading, and this week it's making kandi and earrings. :)
I hope this helps! Much love and strength! <3