So recently I've been speculating having, OSDD-1A, and Autism, I've already been diagnosed with Anxiety, Depression, and ADHD (which considering I'm afab was really amazing). And, although I'm aware therapists can't make diagnoses, I still bring up diagnosis speculation when it comes up. I started seeing this therapist a few years ago, around 6th grade when I was going from school to school. And the earliest diagnosis I brought up was BDD (Body Dysmorphic Disorder), and she said the criteria was too broad to say for sure if I had it. After being diagnosed with ADHD, I began wondering if I also had Autism, I did a lot of research and made a google slides presentation for her where I even went through the DSM-5 criteria for Autism Spectrum Disorder. She told me that she "didn't see autism in me" and it was very upsetting as it felt very invalidating for many reasons but also because I'm afab and mask almost 100% of the time so it really hit a sore spot but I didn't say much. Around April I began talking with friends, about possibly having OSDD, so I made another presentation in google slides as that's easier for me to collect my thoughts and points (also I think making them is fun lmakjdlkjslf) It was 65 slides, had a section about how DID/OSDD develop (1), why I think I have it (2), potential alters(3), and the last section was just memes(4)- And I showed her the presentation, but due to time limits we only got through sections 1-2, and she told me that she "Doesn't see OSDD in me" which was upsetting, and frustrating, I told her I've had these prominent identities for years, They've spoken to me for years, and the only reason my earliest memories are from age 11 is because I don't remember being 5-9, it was also very upsetting because it was something I hid and suppressed for years, from myself, from people around me, and my therapists. She even said i should be happy that she doesn't see it, which I'm not, I felt invalidated and I've told her that I see diagnoses as a positive as its a means to understand myself further. She even said that she didn't feel my trauma was "bad enough" to cause OSDD, which was incredibly triggering, and it hurt more than I can put into words, I trust my therapist so much that for her to invalidate trauma that I've spent my entire life having to defend and prove that it's real to the person that caused it fucking broke me, I started crying and I couldn't bring myself to tell her why it was so painful. I feel horrible especially because I wasn't unsure of having osdd, I was 99% sure I do, but anything could screw with that certainty because of the trauma I went through (The trauma was from ages 6-10 and the person causing it told me that I was doing horrible things to her, she even convinced teachers and my parents so it went unnoticed for years, so now I constantly doubt my view of things especially with toxic behavior) It's been on my mind and its really been getting to me and I don't know what to do next session, especially since we have an introject of a fictional character and I'm terrified she won't believe me or think we're faking because of it (apologies for how long the post is lmao)
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My therapist may have invalidated me???
My therapist may have invalidated me???
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Don't worry about the length of the post. It sounds like your therapist is making things worse rather than better and I'm pretty sure therapists are supposed to try and make things better. My only advice is to maybe think about getting a different therapist (if that is possible for you). She does (from my point to view) seem to have invalidated you multiple times.
Best of luck with everything.