T.W. Suicide and death mentions
My school just sent a email saying someone in my grade died before Thanksgiving break and failed to mention who died so my mind is now spiraling out of control. I'm worried it one of my friends because I been having trouble contacting them since were all busy with online school and I just keep picturing them having gruesome death. I can't stop thinking about how I didn't get talk to them how they could just be gone then my mind went to this horrible idea that they killed themself and I'm thinking was it my fault, was I not a good enough friend what could I do better and several other thought. I'm literally in tears right now at the thought there dead and I worried to death that there not responding to emails and I'm not sure if it because they didn't check them or they dead. And the school hasn't respond to my email asking who died. So right now i'm freaking out and I need someone to help me calm down or provide any comfort in anyway.
Okay another friend just notified me that they are okay and also the school just notified me who it was who died so now I know all my friends are alive and well. It still sad though but, at least I no longer feel like I'm having a heart attack. Now my fear and grief turn into a ticked off feeling because only two of my friends responded to my email and I heard that one of my friends received 10 emails from her peers wondering if they were okay, 4 people who aren't even friends with them and I didn't receive anything from anyone asking if I was okay so I'm a little mad because I didn't get any emails of concern. Also we have the same friends so they looked I know they saw my emails and just didn't respond. So as you can see now I'm a little mad.
It is going to be okay. I am so sorry that this is happening. I hope the school comes out with the person's name and you get an answer. If there is anybody close to you that you can talk to about this, I recommend doing it. It truly helps when other people are around to make you feel better or distracting yourself with happy thoughts and things. Just remember your feelings are valid and your concerns are valid. I once had a complete breakdown when my sibling returned home very late, I was sobbing and I couldn't sit still. One of my family members reassured me that my sibling was fine and they were just having fun. I truly hope your friends are just busy and everything will be okay for you. You and your friends, and the poor soul who died at the hands of suicide are in my heart and prayer. Sending you hugs.