I've been hesitant to post this because it may just be me exaggerating the severity of the situation, but I'm not even sure anymore. I have for the past couple of years used unhealthy coping mechanisms to deal with lingering mental health issues and suppressed trauma, and I don't know how to stop because it seems impossible and it has become habitual. Some examples of this would be smoking to relieve anxiety, alcohol for depression, "relationships" (mostly sex and a shallow connection barely outside of school, for context I'm 15) just for the hell of it, low standards for the people I hang out with because of a desperate lack of feeling like I belong anywhere. Also, what is even more frustrating is trying to figure out who I am, it sounds stupid but I feel like I don't have a full identity if that makes sense. I don't want to feel this anymore and I just need some type of input and/or help
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Thank you for the advice, it genuinely means so much to me. I am so glad you shared your story, I could relate a lot to your experience and it has really given me hope hearing about how you have gotten better mentally and overcame those struggles. I agree that it is helpful to think about the possibilities in the future, and how I can be more happy, in control, and independent in my life later on. It sounds corny, but since life is so short I guess I might as well enjoy/make the most of it.
HERE.AND.QUEER. gave you some great advice but, I just want to add something. I dealt with unhealthy coping mechanism before when it come to my mental health problem. I never really used alcohol or sex to help cope, I usually just tried to cause myself pain by hurting myself. I better now though with help from my therapist and learning ways to better deal with my issues. I even manage to not hurt myself for over a month which was a big step for me. My advice for breaking dangerous habits and is think of all the stuff your going to miss when your habit starts end you life. All the jokes, the stories, the milestone that I will miss when I eventually die from this dangerous habit. When I think about this it give me the motivation to become better and ind healthier ways to deal with this stuff. I also think about those who I can help when I get better, like maybe I could be the one who actually notices someone who notices the self inflicted scars on someones arm they try and hide with a jacket or see through there fake smile trying to convince people there okay and help them get the help they deserve so they can get better. I can't help them if I don't deal with my problems and get better. So when I in one of my states or want to hurt myself I try to remember all the stuff I want to do in the future and think of all those who are suffering from similar stuff like me that could use help from someone like me who understand what there feeling so they can feel better too and think I won't be able to do all the things I want to do or help anyone deal with there demons unless I become better. This is something that give me motivation to get better, I hopes it's helpful for dealing with your stuff. Also if don't already please seek help for mental health, it one of the only ways it can get better.
I know how difficult and frustrating unhealthy coping mechanisms can be, you get stressed and/or depressed and turn to them as you have many times before but afterwards feel frustrated that you did. Breaking them isn't easy either (hell I'm not even close to breaking mine), but you just need to want better for yourself. You deserve better with relationships, not just sex and a poor connection. You deserve friends that make you know you belong. And for your identity, do whatever the fuck you feel like, that's how you figure out who you are and what you want. You stop doing what others want or stop acting how you think people want you to and do you, do what you feel like and have your own opinions and ideas. But on a side note, from what I can tell from this post, and I may be wrong but I don't believe you have much self confidence. You have no standards for who you surround yourself with and feel you belong no where, you don't sound confident in who you are at all. And it may sound difficult to be "confident in who you are" when you feel you don't know who you are, but all you have to do is know and own your worth because trust me you are worth more than you know and deserve so much better than how you're currently treating yourself. You want to break your bad habits and unhealthy mechanisms, that's why you created this, you're calling out for help, you want better for yourself, do better for yourself. You know your not worthless, you know you deserve better, you know you are better. Trust that you'll find out who you are over time and don't try to rush it. And know whoever you are is amazing and is the fucking shit, don't let anyone, especially you, say or treat you any different. Just hold on, you will get through this! And never hesitate to post here, if you need advice or help you can always find it here. <3